Wednesday, 25 April 2018

Adjusting to change - rambling post!

Hey Guys,

University coming to an end is the one thing I hate to think about but at the same time can’t stop thinking about. It’s currently two weeks till my final deadline and then I will essentially be done with university, this is the scariest thing to me.

Life just had a natural plan to it after GCSEs it was college for A levels then straight to university I liked the certainty and following what was the obvious pathway but three years after I moved away from my parents and started university now what?
Our whole lives we are guided and told what to do next, until now.
I know deep down I came to university for the wrong reasons. It was the natural next step, the same as my parents and grandparents had done, my grandad who is one of my biggest inspirations told me amazing stories about pranks and parties he enjoyed during his university years and always encouraged me to go to make the same kind of memories he did. University was also where my grandparents and parents met each other. These are silly reasons to feel that it was a natural move, rather than for my career but I also wanted to in order to take that first step of independence.

Moving to university in September 2015 was the scariest thing and for the first three days, I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave my room or stop crying but it just took me a few days to adjust to the change. I’ve had a weird relationship with my course mostly hating it and thinking it’s a waste of my time and money but the university as a whole? I have loved nearly every second of it.

The school was always difficult for me in many ways but I never really made strong friendships in school but at university that has been so different, I know it’s a huge cliché but I have met friends for life here but just like at school does it only feel like this because we see each other every day and live in such close proximity, being taken out of the bubble of the university I’m not so sure.

There is something weird about friendships in university especially in first year living in halls, you never make plans or do anything in particular, you just spend hours hanging out in the dirty kitchen or at spontaneous flat parties that never seem to end. I was put together to live with seven other people at random and, not everyone is so lucky but we all got on straight away and had such a great flat dynamic (mainly getting drunk to the TV channel challenge watching re-runs of eighties game shows) but already, coming to the end of the third year I have friends I lived within the first year that I never saw any more and if I do it's just if we bump into each other in the library and procrastinate while catching up.
University for me was always going to be about the social aspects the house parties, living with friends and attempting a love life here has been interesting.
I honestly don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t come to Falmouth or university in general, I’ve grown up and changed so much and if I’d stayed living at home with my parents, working in Caerphilly I don’t think I would have had half the experiences I’ve got.

Dating at university wasn’t quite what I thought it could have been but I’ve loved (always unrequited), hurt and had the most fun and if I didn’t come to university I probably still wouldn’t even know how to talk to guys.
One of the biggest things the university has done is increased my tolerance for alcohol, I was always the one knocking on everyone’s door in halls trying to convince people to come out no matter how close to deadlines or how poor we were, I’d find someone to come to the grossest club in Falmouth with me. I’ve had some tragic nights out and some of the best nights of my life but again don’t regret any of the messy ones.
I’ve never dealt with change well at all, I currently have roughly two weeks till my final ever university hand in and thinking about a post university life makes me feel sick and I want to cry at the same time, as much as I hate my course I can’t bear thinking about this bubble of university ending.

No one wants to be asked by annoying family members “So what do you have lined up for university?” it panics me to no end. I know I’ve made it difficult for myself by not taking full advantage of and enjoying my course so much and questioning every career focused decision I’ve made. The option of going back to live with my parents I know will be a disaster in so many ways apart from financially, it’s not even as if getting a post-grad industry job in Caerphilly as much more likely than in Cornwall.

I am so unsure of what I want to do but so aware of how hard it’s going to be, my friendships at university are all so great but only because we are in this bubble as we graduate and move all across the country who knows if they’ll need me and if we’ll talk as much, my social life will change so much, going back to my parents who know how often I’ll see people my own age or when I’ll get to go on a night out, I’m going to have to learn how to make friends and date all over again and all of this only matters once I have a job sorted.

Ideally, I just want everyone to stay in Falmouth, start working but to still be living with my best friends with the best social life I need for at least another year while I put off adulthood and I’ll be much happier, please? 

I hope you enjoyed this very different more personal post from me, let me know if you'd like more posts on anything mentioned such as dating stories or further explanation of my course side of things at university. If you have any tips or could share your experiences on dealing with this weird time of leaving university, please share them. 

Love Charlotte

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